Friends,

I write to you as I have recently returned from a three-day clergy retreat at Shrine Mont, and I have confusing good news to offer you. Clergy are obnoxious. I’ll get to why this is good news later, but first let me explain to you why people like me are and will likely always be obnoxious when we gather.

My feelings on this matter are not unique to me. From several lay and ordained people, I have heard that clergy people are not that different than manure. When we are spread around, we make things grow, but when you get us together all we do is stink up the place. In my observations I have categorized the various types and sub-types of obnoxious clergy. Do not take this as a universal rule, but as a sort of general theme.

The first type of obnoxious clergy I lived into was the opinionated newly ordained priest that could see everyone else’s shortcoming clearly, while not having the experience to see their own. This is largely a symptom of spending three years learning how to do something, but not having enough outlets to actually do it. Recently ordained clergy just got done going through a process where their beliefs around worship and priest-craft in general was closely examined and their futures depended on getting affirmed by various committees and their Bishop. All they can see around them is what everyone else is doing wrong. At clergy retreats, this type of obnoxious clergy sticks close together and shares glances to each other whenever something does not happen quite right. Each individual seems to have their “thing” that sets them down the rabbit hole of eye-rolling self-righteous indignation. My least favorite sub-type of this category are the liturgy critics that always have something to say after our shared worship. When I was newly ordained, I was the most obnoxious sub-type, which is the self-aware judgmental newly ordained clergy. I knew we were unfairly critical of others, and I was harshly (unfairly so) critical of my peers for this offense.

The obnoxious clergy type I currently inhabit is the excited new(ish) rector. We have the experience and the power to start feeling out our own leadership style. We’ve already made a lot of mistakes, and learned from most of them. We have also found a few things that work and work well, and we really want to tell you about them. In our localities there are a few associate priests, more established rectors that figured out their style and rhythm long ago, and a couple retired clergy, but not many in our specific stage in ministry. At clergy retreats we are eager to find our peers and share our experiences, and this comes across as a task in out doing one another and bragging about accomplishments. There is a hint of self-consciousness and insecurity in the midst of the braggadocious facade. We were just the judgmental new-clergy a few years ago. What are they going to think of us now? Are we still cool? Probably not.

There are many other types of obnoxious clergy, but these are the two that I have found myself occupying for large portions of my ministry. Just like the stains on your kitchen wall that went unnoticed for months, you can’t stop seeing them once they have been noticed. The cynical priest (another obnoxious sub-type) would be tempted to swim through the sea of hundreds clergy on retreat and only see what makes them obnoxious. Those who have been around for a while and have managed to avoid cynicism, can see that these obnoxious traits are just symptoms of whatever ministerial developmental stage clergy find themselves occupying. We are not that different than the classes at our day school that are collectively going through similar developmental processes. The difference is that my son has daily opportunities to play dinosaurs and use potty language with his peers, but most clergy in this diocese get the opportunity to be around their peers about three times a year. When we do get together, all of those pent-up feelings come pouring out, and something it can kind of stink.

The good news of the obnoxious clergy that occupy this diocese and in Churches around the world is that the vast majority of them have an incredibly authentic and faithful core. This core that lives deep inside of our clergy, like our Earth’s core, can be easily hidden, but is in fact the largest part of them. We live on the façade of our planet, and the vast majority of the mass of the Earth is the inhospitable iron core that keeps us at the right orbit, create the electromagnetic field that provides protection from solar radiation, and keeps the moon just far enough away not to bash into us, while still giving us the tides and other life-giving features. Our personalities live on our façade, but deep down inside is a massive thing that we forget about that keeps us orbiting around what gives us life, which is the love God gave us.

In a more cynical moment during the retreat, I sat down next to someone who fit solidly in the “judgmental new clergy” sub-type, and I suspected he had a lot of opinions about liturgy and liked to talk about them. I was prepared to be annoyed. What followed was a surprisingly refreshing conversation. Unlike most conversations I have had with those that are newish to ministry, he said ministry was relatively easy to figure out. He said once he realized that the first thing necessary was to love his people, it was fine.

Clergy are not different than anyone else other than the fact we spend most of our time spread out (we’re most effective that way), and we have an unusual occupation that can make our experience unique and our personalities a bit quirky, but other than that we are just like everyone else. Everyone lives on their façade, and regardless of age and place in life, we are going through some sort of stage that can empower and/or impair us as we navigate life’s challenges, but deep in our core is a desire to love and to be loved. In the midst of our insecurities and the thin layer of our facade in which we live, there is a profound core within each of us that can be tapped into when we are ready to love those around us. Don’t be disheartened if you find those around you to be insufferable. I imagine that is how Christ experienced humanity when he walked amongst us, but he had an incredible capacity to tap into the love that exists right under the surface. Whatever we do, we should be ready to be like that relatively newly ordained priest and start with preparing to love our people.

-Nick