Dear St. Luke’s,

As Bible Study began this Tuesday, news kept pouring in about a bad guy with a gun who murdered children and their teachers, then killed by a bunch of good guys with guns. We have found ourselves in a holding pattern - meaning it is not a matter of if, but when this will happen again. As long as we depend on good guys with guns to be the deterrent, we’ll have to do the math of how many innocents the bad guys will kill before they are stopped. If every adult was armed and trained to use a weapon, the math changes, but we’ll use the same formula. If nothing changes, it will still be a matter of when it will happen and how many will die.

As we approach Memorial Day, I cannot help but feel that our country is not worthy of the sacrifice made by our service members. As I think about why I love our country, I conclude that our country was never worthy of the ultimate sacrifices of young men and women serving in the armed forces. Nothing could be worthy of that sacrifice. What if sacrifice and love have nothing to do with being worthy? What if there is something much more meaningful happening? I don’t think people lay down their lives for their family, neighbors, and country because they have a better family, neighbor, or country. I think they do so because they want to defend their family, neighbor, or country. If I find myself in the terrible position to protect someone with my life, I doubt I will be weighing their virtues and vices. Instead, I hope to feel love for them and see what I must do to keep them safe. I have not served in the military, and I cannot begin to understand what informs that selfless sacrifice. Though I do not believe we can ever be worthy of such a sacrifice, I do believe we have been given the impossible task of striving to be worthy of that love.

I need to abandon believing that patriotism means that the United States is the best country because that is not patriotism, and it flirts with idolatry. As in other areas of life, I love my child more than I thought I could love anyone. If I fool myself into thinking my son is perfect, I will be blind when he hurts others and won’t teach him to say sorry and to be kind. I would be unable to accept and comfort him when he fails, and I will be deaf to others critical of him. I fall short in my love for him if I think he is better than everyone else. I love him because he is my son, not because I think he is the best. In the same way, I love my country because it is my country, not because it is perfect.

When we trust in things more than we trust in God, or more than we value the lives of others, then we are committing idolatry, and idolatry is not a victimless sin. When we turn our children or nation into idols, we harm them. Others depend on us to see and love them for what and who they are, flaws and all.

I refuse to believe that these repeated tragedies are unavoidable. If we admit our failings and strive to do better, they will end. The lack of change in the last decade is not due to apathy. Instead I believe it is due to brokenness, and our brokenness runs deep. The solution could be easy, but getting there has exposed what we have already known; that we are sick and desperately need healing. We must turn away from making idols out of what we love. Remember we are called to love as Christ loves us. We are loved and redeemed by Christ, not because we deserve it. We have received Christ’s love because we are his.

Blessings,

Nick