Dear St. Luke’s

Sorry that I didn’t have time to write a shorter devotion.

I have taken so many personality tests and inventories as part of the ordination process that I have largely become disillusioned with them. With that being said, according to the Myers Briggs Personality indicator, I am an ENFP (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, that is ok, because it’s a moot point), which means I am highly motivated by integrity and idealism. According to this personality tool, along with the much less warm and fuzzy, MMPI (once again, what this actually means is moot) have informed me that I idealize organizations and leadership, but quickly disengage and become disheartened when they run counter to my idea of what is right. When these silly tests told me that I fundamentally could have problems with authority, I immediately resented this impersonal representation of authority telling me about me… these tests are imperfect, but sometimes they can be revealing.

I hold Churches and their leadership in very high regard, sometimes to an unrealistic standard, and since I have found myself in positions of authority, I have tried earnestly to lead and live in a way that would allow me to sleep soundly at night. I do not like conversations about “how the sausage gets made” in terms of Church business, because I ultimately do not think that Churches should engage in practices that would make us feel ashamed, or feel the need to hide what we are doing. I believe that the Church can excel in moments where we find ourselves at crossroads with no perceivable way forward that will leave us completely unsullied. Churches should excel in these moments, because we should be collectively able to do what I find to be so difficult, which is to extend grace to those in leadership positions who have found themselves in difficult situations.

Moving forward, I can promise that I will always strive to do what is right, but I also promise that I will likely disappoint you in this regard. As much as integrity means to me, we will not always agree on what is right and just, and sometimes the Church will have to work within the messiness of the world. I am not asking you to gloss over sketchy dealings on part of the staff, the vestry, or me. On the contrary, I want you to question, engage and hold us accountable. Don’t accept dismissive saying like, “that’s just how the sausage gets made.”

I cannot protect the Church from getting its hands dirty, but I can ensure that we have as much transparency as possible so you can be part of the conversation. When the rubber hits the road, and we find ourselves having hard conversations and making hard decisions, I hope that you will see what I see, which is a group of beautifully broken people trying their best. No one at St. Luke’s is perfect, and if you avoid the temptation to disengage from messy conversations, then you will help us be the slightly more complete body of Christ that we are supposed to be.

I am greatly enjoying this honeymoon period where we don’t have to do any of that heavy lifting yet. Even with the pandemic in full swing I can feel the love and welcome that you have extended to me and my family. Right now, things are simple, as they should be, and I want to ride that wave for as long as I can. When the time comes to do the hard work that we are called to do I plan on doing it with honesty, love and grace, and I pray that you are able to do the same.

Blessings,

Nick