Leandra and I have become surprisingly competent adults since our child was born. We were ok before, but now we are cleaning, organizing, hanging pictures, and bill-paying machines! Video games and bingeing television have been limited to about an hour and a half of freedom a night, for which we feel tremendously grateful. On Monday, we will get the opportunity to return to my parent’s house, a living monument to when I was terrible at being responsible, and I cannot wait.

When I was a child, I had no choice but to depend on my family to survive. My parents worked opposite shifts, so there would always be someone at home to cook dinner and ensure my siblings, and I had everything we needed. At the time, I thought I was pulling my weight by taking out the trash and cleaning up after dinner, but that was merely a façade to give me the illusion of self-sufficiency. When we return to my old home this week, I will get a healthy reminder of what it feels like to depend on others. And if I am wise, I will be reminded that my current sense of self-sufficiency is still just a façade.

Recently in Day School Chapel, we were reading about Moses. The story of the Israelites in the wilderness always speaks to me; even though the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt, they were not hungry and they had somewhere to sleep. It was when they left with nothing that they began to complain, and when God began to provide for them. They were utterly dependent upon God for water, food, and survival, and it was in this state of dependence that they received God’s law. Their liberation from Egypt meant freedom, but not independence. Rebellion and enlightenment can be byproducts of knowing our reliance upon God, but remaining static is never an option in this divine state.

This week I get to go back to the place where I needed my parents, where I complained, rebelled, and slowly grew into the person I am today. I will also be reminded that this tremendously brief and beautiful time, when I get to care for a vulnerable child, is a sacred time because God is providing for us in the same way. When we spend too much time away from the places that remind us of when we genuinely need others, then we fool ourselves into thinking that we can do this all on our own. I currently could not be the cleaning and organizing adult that I am without a whole community and family to support me and for God to give each day to us with all of the challenges and blessings that come with life.

Blessings,

Nick